What is this feeling?

I have been single for a year now. In that year, I have accomplished a great deal. I am a single mother working and studying hard to accomplish that American Dream that seems to elude so many. Life has been great…or so I thought.

Recently, I met someone. He is very attractive. Strangely, it wasn’t his looks that caught my attention. It was his intellect. I am still trying to wrap my head around this.

I have always been a shallow person, going for the hottest guy with the dumbest brain. All that got me was boredom and a deep sense of unhappy. What for? Having a failed marriage, and long term relationships, I realized intimidation is a factor. I have learned that many of the male species can’t handle intelligence and independence in a woman. I am not one to be controlled and I use my brain, quite well. (Don’t get me wrong, I do have my blonde moments and brain farts.)

Well, this man I have met is intriguing. He really seems like the whole package: ‘brains, brawn and ‘beauty.’ He is also a single father and firefighter/EMT. While being a firefighter/EMT is dangerous, it’s impressive and I have a lot of respect for him.

Now, I am trying to figure out what this is I am feeling. When I think about him, my heart races and skips beats. When we are hanging out, I become an idiot, for lack of a better term. I feel different. I feel…alive. It’s very scary, especially since we have only really known each other for about a week.

Yeah, I know, I have been single for a year and this could just be my body and mind reacting to male companionship. That may very well be and that’s ok. It’s all very confusing. This is not something I am used to. I was attracted to his intelligence before anything else. That NEVER happens. Like I said, I used to be shallow but this time, everything in me feels different.

Maybe I am not suppose to understand and just go with the flow of things. I am an emotional person…which is one of my downfalls. I am guarded and scared of the unknown. I just want to break free from the barriers with which I have surrounded my entire being.

UGH!

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